Lean On Me- A Jemma
by H.A.Cardow
Summary: This takes place after Emma finds out she has Gonorreha. She is struggling to cope with everything that happened with the shooting. She's surprised when she finds she has Jay to lean on.
1. It's All Gone Wrong

This fanfiction takes place during secrets, right after Emma goes to the doctors and finds out she has gonorrhea.

1. It's All Gone Wrong

Emma's POV

I have gonorrhea! I have an std! OH MY GOD, how the hell did this happen. How did I become THAT girl. I've become a SLUT! And it's not like I can tell anyone, I can't even talk to Manny. I can't believe I was such a bitch to her, I threw her pregnancy in her face! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME! I can't even look in the mirror I disgust myself so much and I make my skin crawl. What do I do? You know what I'm going to find that man whore and give him a piece of my mind. I've put on a sweatshirt a big baggy one an unsexy sweatshirt so Mr. grabby won't get any ideas. What am I doing? Why am I crawling out my window it's not like I'm sneaking out, why am I not going out my front door? Oh I know it's because I'm a slut sneaking off to go see that scum bag and I don't want to have to look at my parents because they will see me and I'm too gross to look at. The sky is dark and cloudy and the air is sticky and gross, damn when did the weather start to imitate how I feel? I can't believe I've been going and giving Jay blow jobs he's such a creep. Ok granted he's sexy and a good kisser but he's still a creep and oooohhh I hate him, I hate him, I hate him...

Ooohh there he is how dare he sit on that table and look so hot and kissable! I want to hit him and I want to scream at him so much yet why am I not moving? What is wrong with me? Why do I want to kiss him and tare off his clothes? Oh he's seen me! And he's smiling, how can he be smiling like nothing's wrong. "Jay! You suck, I hate you and you suck and...STOP LAUGHING! It's not funny, I have an STD! You gave me an STD!" Oh man he's coming over, he's coming over to me and I'm shaking. I can tell myself I'm shaking because I'm mad but I know I'm shaking because I want him, I want him so bad. I'm sick, I'm sick and pathetic! "Emma, come with me." No I will not come with you, you monster. "Okay." I can't believe this I'm just following him and now we're in the van. And if he thinks for one second I'm blowing him he's crazy. "I'm sorry ok... I guess I should be more careful with who I fool around with. It's just that I like to feel good and doing these things makes me feel good. I don't expect you to forgive me or anything. I know Alex isn't going to and you probably shouldn't either. I just I don't know I'm really sorry, this is the last thing I ever wanted to happen and I feel really bad." "Well it's curable." OH MY GOD did I just say that! Now he looks just about as confused as I am. "I have to go." I'm turning to leave and he grabs my wrist "Emma don't!" And now his lips are on my lips and I can't think, this feels so nice but it's so wrong... Emma what is wrong with you this is Jay and you're kissing him, he's slim. "I'm sorry I have to go!"

Now I'm off and running and I don't know where. I can't go home, I have nowhere to go and I can't breathe, there's a fire in my chest. I slow down, I'm catching my breath where am I? I take in my surroundings, it seems as if I've ended up at Sean's apartment. Ok it's not his apartment anymore he's gone. He's back in Wasaga, he is gone and I miss him. I need him and he's left me, all alone and I just can't be alone right now...

I got on a bus to Wasaga and I'm at his door and I don't know what to do I can't knock on the door I'm too scare. Why am I scared? He can't know I've been with Jay, unless Jay told him but- "Emma? Emma! What are you doing here?" I look up and he's right there looking at me, smiling but clearly confused. "I did something bad and I can't go home." His smile fades he looks worried, he doesn't say anything he just hugs me. We sit down on the front steps and I tell him everything. He lets out a big breath " Don't do that to me Emma you scared me. I thought you killed someone or something. I mean yeah this is bad but there are a lot worse things. But I must know what are you thinking?" " I don't know." And now I'm crying and I can't stop but he doesn't tell me to stop being a baby he just hugs me and rubs my back and I feel safe.

**OK so what do you think? Let me know what you like and what you don't. If there is anything you want to see happen in this story let me know and I'll see if I can put it in. Thanks for reading *H. ***


	2. So Wrong and So Right

2. So Wrong and So Right

Jay's POV

I watch Emma run off and a piece of me dies. What is wrong with me? Clearly something with Emma isn't right, why else would she come to the ravine and be with me, this isn't right. Whatever is going on with Emma I've just been taking advantage of her. You can't keep this up Jay this is so wrong and you know it. But how can something that seems so right be so wrong. Whenever I'm around her it's like there is all this electricity and it's just when we're touching it's just when she's there period. Of course we end up touching because somehow my lips are drawn to hers like magnets but that's not why I want her around so much. I don't know why but I feel as if everything is better when Emma's around. For some reason I need her... Ok wait a minute, Jay Hogart does not go soft for some girl. Yeah well Emma's not just some girl she's good and light everything I'm not. Jay let's face it you're a bad guy and she has every right to run from you. Shit, running away is the smartest thing. But if she does find her way back to me I swear I'll treat her right and I will be better, Emma makes me want to be better. I get out of the van and some guy offers me a beer, but I don't take it I just go. I walk home and I shower and I think of Emma nothing but Emma.

My phone rings, I see that it's Cameron calling. I'm glad I haven't heard from my best bud in a while. I miss him, but of course I won't tell him that I don't want him to think I've gone weak. "Hey man!" "You rat bastard! You gave her gonorrhea! What is wrong with you? She's clearly broken and you use her! How could you take advantage of Emma? She's not just some slut at the ravine this is Emma, MY Emma!" I am shocked to hear that he knows, I'm not surprised at his anger and I deserve it so I don't tell him to back off or anything. I notice he says his Emma and this perturbs me "It was an accident and I already told her how crap I feel about it. But she's not yours, you left her and Ellie and me here when you ran back to Wasaga so you have no claim on her! I screwed up and I know this, I'm going to fix it so stop trying to protect her." "I will protect her because you are scum and you will hurt her and she can't take that right now she's barely holding on. So you listen and listen closely I'm only going to say this once, stay away from her or you are a dead man!" Before I can defend myself he's hung up. I am so angry right now he has no right to tell me to stay away from Emma and I'm not going to. I said I would make it right and I will. God Damn it, my knuckles are bleeding as I take my hand out of the hole I've punched in the wall.

Emma's POV

I got out of the shower and I feel much better until I hear Sean on the phone yelling at Jay. I hear him say "MY EMMA" and "Stay away from her or you are a dead man" and I start to see red. He has no right to be saying any of this. He broke up with me and then he left me after the shooting, so he doesn't get to say any of that. I put my clothes back on and leave. I can't deal with this, and how dare he say I'm broken and that I'm barely hanging on. I am fine, ok maybe not totally but I am strong and I will get threw this. As soon as I'm back in Toronto I go to the ravine. I know being with Jay is wrong but it's also right. It's right in the sense that Jay makes me feel alive and that is a good enough reason for me to see him. He's not at the ravine so I get his address from this guy named Johnny. I walk to his apartment and I knock on his door.


	3. I Can't Do This

**A/N: Thanks for reading. If you would be kind enough to leave comments of any kind (whether you like the story or not) I'd appreciate it. Thanks H. **

3. I Can't Do This

Jay's POV

I had just finished 250 sit ups when I hear a knock at the door. I get up put on a shirt and answer the door. There at my door is Emma Nelson. I'm shocked and surprised but in a good way. I open the door and she walks in. I wonder what she is thinking in that perfect little head of hers "Do you want something to drink?" She shakes her head, I don't know what to do this is all a bit strange to me. I turn to see why she came but I don't get any words out she's attacking my mouth with hers. She's kissing me like she's never done before it's passionate and hungry, it's hard and rough. With all this passion I hardly notice that she's taking off my clothes, it's when she's unzipping my pants that I stop her. "I can't do this Emma." She looks at me with a pouty face "But don't you want me?" I stare into her beautiful brown eyes and sigh "More than anything in the world, but I know that you'll regrets this later on. I know something is going on with you and I know that deep down you don't really want to be with me. So, I can't do this, you are too special I can't take advantage of you." She looks at me with a mischievous smile on her lips "Yes, but you see that's where you are wrong. I do want to be with you, more than I have ever wanted anything in my life. I want you, I want you to be in me and make sweet, sweet love to me." She runs her hands up and down my body, I want to be with her so bad, but I must resist. "I know you may feel that way now, but the feeling's only fleeting. I want you to know that I'm here for you if you want to talk, but for right now I think you should go."

Emma's POV

I'm so mad! How dare he kick me out? How dare he say that I'm special and say he can't take advantage of me. Well guess what buddy boy I want to be taken advantage of I want to be crazy and do crazy things! I get home nobody's there (thank god). I go and grab Snake's bottle of Jack Daniel's from the fridge. I start to drink it and it burns. This is the worst srink I've ever tasted but I don't stop. I grab a needle and some post earrings. I pierce my nose and each side of my lower lip and I don't feel it. I look in the mirror I like how it looks. I grab a pair of hair cutting scissors and a box of black hair dye. I cut my hair boy short and dye it black. I cut at my skirts to make them shorter, I cut my leg by accident but I don't feel it. I start slicing my arms I don't feel it, I know I'm acting psycho but I can't stop. I drink more and cut more. I keep drinking and cutting but I still feel nothing. Why can't I feel? I jump on my bed tare holes through my pillows with the scissors. The room is spinning, feathers are flying and I am drowning in this gross psychotic numbness. I am feeling tired I lay down on my bed...

I wake up and see the feathers all around my bed. My head is pounding and I feel sick. I take in the half empty bottle of Jack, I take in the cuts on my arms. I run to the bathroom and puke everything up that's in my system. I wash my face and look in the mirror and see my short black hair and my facial piercings and last night all comes back to me. I put on a long sleeve shirt and go upstairs and take a handful of aspirin. I yell into my mom's room that I'm still not feeling ell that I'm staying home from school. I head down stairs curl up in a ball on my bed and cry. I'm bawling like a baby and it's just making my head hurt worst. I take a nap and at 9 o'clock when everyone's gone I take my phone and text Jay. He told me if I wanted to talk he'd be there for me so I ask him to come over and he says he will. I tell him to come in through the basement window and five minutes later he does. I wanted to talk to him but all I can seem to do is cry. But he doesn't leave he just hold me close kisses my forehead , he says it'll be ok and for some reason I believe him.


	4. A Beautiful Mess

4. A Beautiful Mess

Jay's POV

I get to Emma's house crawl in her basement window per her request and I find her curled up in a ball on her bed. I hold this strange creature I don't recognize, this broken girl, and it breaks my heart to call this beautiful mess Emma. I hold her close and stroke her hair as she falls asleep in my lap. While she sleeps I take in her black short hair. I take in her facial piercings. Lastly I take in the cuts that run up and down her arms and this sight chills me to the bone. Emma has always been the most sensible person I've ever known and to know that she is capable of torturing herself like this disturbs me greatly. Once I see a peaceful smile on Emma's sleeping face I carefully move out from underneath her. I take Emma's phone and call Manny. I know that Manny and Emma have had a falling out, but I also know that Emma really needs Manny. After two rings it goes to voicemail, this tells me that Manny' is ignoring Emma's calls. I wait a little more than ten minutes then put Manny's number into my phone and call her. After three rings she answers with a questioning tone "Hello?" "Manny, it's Jay Hogart, now before you hang up on me Emma really needs you, she's really hurting and she's done things I never thought Emma could do."I rush these words out afraid she'll hang up on me. Manny sighs "What has she done." I look at the beautiful disaster that lies in Emma's bed and shutter "She's cut herself, and not just a little, she's cut a lot and the wounds are quite deep I'm surprised she didn't end up dying." Manny gasps "I'll be right over." Seven minutes later Manny comes down the stairs she is so concerned about Emma that her disgust with me is barely noticeable and could be missed by the untrained eye. I decided that Manny would be must more comfortable if I left so I write a note for Emma, ask Manny to give it to her (I'm not totally convinced she will) and head out the window.

Manny's POV

I can't believe the state of Emma she truly looks scary. Another thing I can't believe is how full of concern Jay Hogart's voice was when he called me. It shocked me when I got to Emma's when I could see that somehow he genuinely cares about her. Jay leaves handing me a note that he says to give to Emma. I say I will but I will have to read it first. Once I hear his orange civic start up and then drive down the street I read the note:

_Dear Emma,_

_ I called Manny because I know that she is truly the one you need right now. You are going to get through this and we will both make sure you do. No matter what happens I want you to know that we both love you._

_Yours,_

_ Jay_

I gasp, if I hadn't saw Jay write that I would never have believed he'd written that note. I think I'll give it to Emma when she wakes up. I hear a twinkling noise, I look up and see Emma's phone lighting up, it's Sean.

Sean's POV

It's been bugging me all night why did Emma just run off? Where did she go? Is she all right? So I call her and am shocked when I hear Manny's voice on the other end of the phone. I ask her why she's answering Emma's phone and she lies. She says that Emma is taking a nap, she's tired because of the gonorrhea. I have known Manny far too long to miss the slight tremor in her voice. I instantly know something is wrong. I pack a bag, buy a bus ticket. I'm off to Toronto to find a kill Jay Hogart!


	5. Crazy Little Thing Called Love

5. Crazy Little Thing Called Love

Jay's POV

Leaving Emma in her time of need was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I know with Manny she's in good hands. I think about the note I left for Emma and how I wrote _we both LOVE you_ and I realize that is the honest truth. I love Emma Nelson more than anyone in the world. I'm just so shocked, it came out of nowhere and so suddenly but I guess love is just crazy like that. I go to the ravine and have some beer and try to erase the pathetic way Emma looked. I can't though, no matter how much alcohol I consume I know the deep cuts on Emma's arms will haunt my dreams. After a couple hours of drinking and shooting the shit with Johnny Dimarco and some other random kids I call it a day and head home. When I get home I find my mother sitting on the couch waiting for me to get home. She looks nervous and I instantly realize she's sober (which she hasn't been since I was ten before my dad left us). She tells me to sit down, I do and she gives me a small unsure smile. "Jay, honey, Kyle and I eloped last night, so I'm going to pack and head over-" I'm in shock but I call out (in a loud voice almost a yell) "I'm not moving." Kyle Michalchuk was my mother's boyfriend or husband... whatever, I'm not about to move into his big fancy mansion, that guy really got on my nerves. And besides Kyle is Paige Michalchuk's dad, no way was I living under the same roof as that princess. I gasp at what my mother is telling me she says I can stay, as long as I pay the rent(which I already do most of the time) and my grades don't slip (and seeing as I currently am getting C's and D's I don't think that will happen). We sit there in awkward silence until my mom says "Well I'm going to go pack." I get up "You want help?" She shakes her head "Nah, I don't have a lot of stuff." _Yet..._ the look she gave me implied she would be taking full advantage of her new rich husbands large salary. I don't know if I'm suppose to have some big reaction but I don't. This news really doesn't mean anything to me anyway it's not like me and my mother spend a lot of quality bonding time, you know? I go in my room put on some random mix cd Alex gave me and start doing sit ups. _I Dare You_ by Shinedown blares out of my speakers so loud I almost don't hear my phone ring. I pick my phone up and see that it is Alex calling. I answer the phone unsure as to what this about "Hey, Lex what's up?" Alex laughed a little "Nothing much, I just have calm down a little and think we should get together and talk this all over." She still loves me, I know her well enough that I can hear it in her voice. I sigh, while Alex is an amazing girl and I love her, I'm not _in _love with her. Alex Nunez has always been my best friend, some have said she's the girl version of me (which I'll admit used to get me hot) we've dated on and off since fifth grade and I now realize why it never worked. We never truly fit together romantically, I mean yeah sure we had some wild and crazy hot sex but my feeling for her always fell short of romantic love. I have known Alex all my life and she falls in between a sister and a best friend. I don't know how to answer her, but I know I can't see her or she will try and get back together with me and I will not refuse her because I can't hurt her anymore than I already have. My luck kicks in, my other line beeps, it's Emma, I smile "I'll call you later, I have another call, it's going to be a long one." Before Alex can protest I switch to Emma's call "Just the beautiful girl I was thinking about." Emma laughs and I can hear the smile in her voice "Hey. So I was wondering if you might want to go to the mall with me. I mean I know guys all think shopping is lame-" I smile "Yeah sure, I'll pick you up in five." Yes, Jay Hogart the guy who hates shopping almost more than anything in the world is going to the mall. There is one simple reason for this and it's getting to spend time with Emma Nelson the woman I love.


	6. Stars in the Sky, Tears in Her Eyes

6. Stars in the Sky, Tears in Her Eyes

Emma's POV

I decide to go to the mall I invite Jay and I'm surprised when Manny says she wants to go with us. She helps me pick out an outfit. I change and put on some black eyeliner. I sigh at my reflection; I don't recognize this girl with short black hair and facial piercings, who wears a long sleeve black mesh shirt that reveals stomach and a short pink, black, and white plaid skirt with pink fishnets and black converse. I don't recognize the girl I see and I like it. It's like I'm completely gone like I've disappeared into nothing. I have totally transformed into this dark chaotic mess that I see before me. A few minutes later Jay is here and Manny and I climb out the window when we hear his car. I hope into the front next to Jay while Manny sits in the back. I see Manny smirk at me through the rearview mirror. Jay looks at me with a questioning expression on his face. "What?" "Well I didn't know Manny was coming." I giggle, is he jealous that I brought Manny with me? Manny sighs "Don't worry I won't monopolize your girl." I give Manny a death glare through the mirror she just continues to smirk, god, she's so annoying. We pull up to the mall and I feel that this is going to be a wonderful evening.

Jay's POV

Emma, Manny, and I just browse around random stores. Manny buys the most clothes and in some weird act of solidarity with Emma goes and gets her long brown hair cute shoulder length and dyed auburn with some black streaks and gets a nose hoop and her belly button pierced. Emma then decides she doesn't have enough holes in her face and got two piercings in her left eyebrow and a tongue ring which I would usually find hot except this is Emma and I know that there is no way she has any good motive for any of these changes. Despite the fact that Emma's changing into this bizzaro looking version of herself (not that she doesn't look hot, she does it's just not her) we all are having a really good time. Emma and Manny try to convince me to get a piercing and of course I tell them to fuck off, Jay Hogart has no use for piercings. We've ended up in the food court and we've each bought massive amounts of food (Manny Chinese, Emma Indian, and pizza for me) and after hours of shopping eating feels amazing. I finish my soda and head to the bathroom. I roll my eyes as I notice the girls are scarfing down my pizza like starving dogs. Once I am back in the food court I see that are table is empty and on the table is a note. In Emma's perfect handwriting it says: we're outside enjoying the beautiful night. I then head outside and see them lying in a patch of grass looking at the stars. I lay down next to Emma and she takes my hand I turn my head and look into her beautiful brown eyes. One minute Emma's smiling at me resting her head on my shoulder being cute the next she's lost it she's crying and holding on to my hand for dear life. "Emma babe, what's wrong?" I whisper to her (hoping Manny hasn't noticed Emma's upset). She sniffles "I don't want you to leave me, I don't want this day to end I wanna stay right here with you. I don't think I'll be able to handle it once you get bored of me." I run my fingers through her hair and shush her and her ridiculous thoughts "I promise you this right now I will never get bored of you and as far as this day not ending I can do that for you. If you want you can stay with me tonight." I see a small smirk start to form on her face, clearly I need to specify. "Emma when I said you can stay I want you to know I didn't mean sex because that's not going to happen. I think we both need sometime first ok?" Emma looks at me confused "Time for what?" I want to say time for you to heal and for me to become someone worthy of you but I can't say that last part. Luckily it starts to downpour and Manny and Emma start to scream as we rush to the civic.


	7. Sweet Dreams are Made of This

7. Sweet Dreams are Made of This

Emma's POV

We get back to Jay's and it's like a dream. Everything's perfect, the way our lips touch the way his strong arms wrap around my body. With all the passion and the touching Jay yanks of my clothes and lays me down in his bed. I know he said we're not ready but I don't remind him of that I want him so bad... Wait he's stopped kissing me and we're just cuddling? WHAT? SO I guess he didn't forget I'm honestly a little hurt but I'm also too tired to really care. He kisses me on the forehead "Goodnight, Love." He holds me in silence, I'm sure he's asleep when I say "Jay I know you think I'm not ready or that I don't really want you or whatever but I want you so badly." Apparently he wasn't asleep and he sits up and then I sit up too. He comes real close to me and kisses me roughly but also very tenderly with love mixed in every kiss. He rips off my bra and slides of my panties and now I know it's gonna happen and I'm thrilled but also a little scared. And then it happens so fast I'm thrown back on my back and Jay puts himself inside me. He thrust in and out strong and fast and I'm surprised it doesn't hurt (Manny said it hurt her first time). This is perfect I don't want him to stop he whispers in my ear "I love you" and I just moan in ecstacy. But then it all goes to black and I've woken up. I'm a bit sad and empty knowing it was just an amazing dream but I'm also happy because I know it means I'm ready. So maybe if I tell Jay he'll see that I'm ready and we can finally fuck, like the way we did in my dream. I close my eyes and decide to hold on to my dream maybe I can fall back into that dream.

Jay's POV

I wake up in a cold sweat from the horrible nightmare I was having. Suddenly it feels like I can't breathe so I go outside to get some air and think. In my dream my life is all in black and white except for Emma she's the only thing in color wonderful brilliant color. Alex was huge and pregnant with triplets and I was with her although it didn't make me happy. We got married I dropped out of high school and got a job at the dump. Emma and I had an affair but after awhile her color started to fade until one day she was just as black and white as everyone else. That is when I threw her away, literally threw her away in a dumpster because she wasn't bright anymore and I didn't want her. As she drowned in all the garbage I saw how sad her gray face was and thinking of it breaks my heart. This dream proves that I'm just no go for her but I don't know what to do I can't leave her how she is especially after I promised I'd never leave her. I've apparently walked all the way to Spinner's house so wrapped up in my thoughts I didn't realize it until I looked up when I heard my name. "Jay man if I were you I'd go into hiding Sean spent the night at my house livid and he wants to kill you." My friend looks at me all concerned "Yeah well, I can take care of myself thanks, but if he wants to kill me why did you let him stay aren't we suppose to be friends?" Spinner sighed "Yeah well he showed up at the Dot drunk and kept talking about Emma. He kept saying he missed her and that you're scum and no good for her and let's face it that's pretty much true, no offense or anything. But I tried to walk him to a hotel he was all over the place so I let him crash he was in really bad shape." I got an idea how to get Emma to stop being around me a plan to keep Emma from getting hurt "Can I go see him?" Spinner smirks and shakes his head in disbelief "Ya sure but it's your funeral."


End file.
